Educational Programming or As The World Turns

The history teacher told us
that England and Spain went to war
over land because they both wanted what would become America,
which made sense at the time
until it was later revealed
that the fighting was partially based
on England and Spain’s past relationship.
After the breakup, it became a race to see
who could move on the fastest, and, according
to the math teacher, who could produce
more revenue.
What this really means is that Spain, looking for a hookup
while still on the rebound after England,
stumbled upon young America.
England, realizing America’s attractiveness (now that Spain
wanted her) quickly stepped in and made a move.
America was now caught in a love/hate triangle.

The tension built and a brief treaty introduced
but the French teacher will attest to the fact
that “ménage et trois” roughly translates into English
as “one too many people in your bed to make
a relationship work.”

Fortunately, according to the chemistry teacher,
each action will produce
an equal but opposite reaction
which is why America decided to stay with neither Spain
nor England
but to indulge in a blossoming friendship with France
who ultimately helped America become
and independent entity.

The English teacher called this the denouement,
which, of course, we all know means the network
couldn’t think of anything original
for these characters and situations
and forced growth, introducing new plot twists
and even more implausible events
to keep the show’s rating from plummeting.