Unacceptable Sacrifices

I was afraid of the bad guys in Disney movies.

I would hide behind the

brown couch when they come on the screen

and throw the fleece comforter over my head
and sing the theme from Duck Tails.

Then, I discovered water guns

when I played G.I. Joes at Dave’s house one day.

I just aim them at the television, he said,

and scream,

Bang! Bang!
and I’ll protect you from the bad guys.

I was afraid of bears
when we went camping in the back yard
and would scrunch to the bottom of my sleeping bag
despite the intense heat
and Dave promised to keep me safe
because he had his water guns
and walkie-talkies
and he was my best friend.
I’ll kill anything that scares you
he said.

I was afraid of being an outcast
and I would hide in the girl’s bathroom
in high school, avoiding the cafeteria,
avoiding Dave

because it wasn’t cool to wear flannel
after Kurt Cobain died
because it wasn’t acceptable to dye your hair green
when you felt like a change
because it was weird
to want to kiss both boys and girls.

And Dave protected me
with his gun
and killed himself.